On Where You Come From – Tutu

Dear Regan and Koen,

Ryan was my first child , like you, Reagan. I always wanted to be a mother and really wanted to be the mom of boys. I had four brothers and one sister, and I liked my brothers a lot. I liked my sister too, but not as much. She was very different from me. After we grew up, I liked her better.
When I was going to have your dad I kept a football on my nightstand the whole time I was pregnant because I wanted a sporty boy. Your dad was named after Nolan Ryan, a very famous baseball player. I probably should have had a baseball on my nightstand instead of a football. He ended up being one of the best baseball players in the world. I am pretty sure he would have been a professional baseball player if he hadn’t broken his arm snowboarding. (I told him not to go that day; I had a feeling he was going to break his leg. He broke his arm and he just wasn’t as good at baseball afterward. Don’t tell him that.) He was a good writer when he was young and won a blue ribbon for a poem he wrote. I framed it, and I still have it. He went to college to be a writer. He is still good at that.

He was and still is really good at a lot of things, like sports, music, and being your dad. The best thing he ever did was be a dad. Sometimes, when he was little, he was sad. That was probably my fault. I knew he was sad, but I didn’t know how to make him happy. Your mom made him happy, but you guys made him the happiest. Maybe I helped him with that.

When your Uncle Jordan was born, your dad was two and a half years old. I took Ryan to the nursery and showed him all the babies. I told him he could choose the one he wanted as his brother, but he had to promise to love and take care of that baby forever. Ryan looked over all the babies and pointed to one. The nurses brought Jordan into the room, and Ryan met his new brother. For years, Ryan would proudly tell Jordan how he had picked him out, and Jordan adored Ryan.

We lived in Florida for a while, and the first place we stayed was a tall building on the beach. Your dad, Jordan, and his friends played hockey in the building, using the elevators and all the different floors as playgrounds. They made a lot of noise, but no one seemed to care. They did homework on the beach or in the hot tub and played basketball outside in January. How crazy is that? Here in Ohio, it is too cold to do that. The first winter was fun; it seemed odd to play outside in shorts in January, and Christmas in Florida felt strange. Santa Claus and all the decorations seemed out of place, and I never liked that. We put Christmas lights on our palm trees. Weird, right?

When we moved back to Ohio, your dad made a lot of friends and played sports. Then he got a new brother and sister: Tyler and Paige. He was really good to them, and they also probably helped him become a good dad.

Ryan taught Jordan many things, although not always completely true. When Jordan wanted to play a video game Ryan was playing, Ryan would tell him that his brain wasn’t big enough to understand it yet, so he should just watch. And Jordan would sit and watch. I wonder if you ever do that to Koen? Despite this, they were inseparable. They shared a room, took baths at the same time , and were best friends for many years. Ryan never excluded Jordan from playing with him or his friends, and Jordan always tagged along.

Your dad is such a good man is because he’s honest, hard-working, and really cares about people. He will teach you many things that will help you be a good person, and a good man. You probably have all kinds of funny stories, and things you could tell me about your dad. And maybe the next time you guys come over and spend the night instead of watching train movies and tornado movies and car wash movies, we can just talk about your dad. I think that would be a really good way to spend the night.

With all my love,

Tutu