On The Rauchdy Match – Year Three Champions Dinner

Boys,

As has been well documented, your dad (that’s me) won the second and most important version of the Rauchdy Match, and I know it’s the most important because first is the worst and second is the best. As the match continues to evolve, we’ve upgraded the champion’s dinner, elevating it to the Champion’s Dinner (capital C, capital D). I feel like it now holds the level of respect it deserves.

Last year, out of the goodness of my heart, I offered to cook for your mom after she won the beta-test version of the Rauchdy Match. With it, I also crafted a menu based on what she had asked to be prepared for that dinner. It looked like this:

Classy, right? At the time, we were test driving “Match’ters” instead of “Rauchdy Match,” but it never had legs so we dropped that. So, I sent this out to a few people upon suggesting that last year’s runner up (your mom) follow the tradition of preparing the champion’s dinner Champion’s Dinner. Here is the text thread that followed that simple and from-a-good-place suggestion:

Let’s break that down by dissecting what what said, as well as the tone and implication of what was meant by each text. For sake of reading, I’ll use the acronyms “WWS” to represent “what was said” and “WWM” to represent “what was meant,” ie – tone and implication.

WWS (me): Last year I made an honors dinner for kelly with foods she requested. Wonder if she’ll do the same for me this year in honor of my victory?

WWM (me): kind and gentle-hearted tone – I did this (kind and thoughtful) thing last year for Kelly and I think it would be nice if we kept that tradition alive.

WWS (your mom): What the f do you want (no punctuation). Chicken satay skewers? Val is making that Friday (no punctuation).

WWM (your mom): aggressive tone – How dare you text me! I’m instantly and passionately annoyed by you to the point I forget to use simple sentence structure or spelling. I’m going to namedrop a fancy food knowing that isn’t at all what you’re asking. Oh, and I outsource my cooking to other people.

WWS (Troy): So gracious.

WWM (Troy): confused, but genuine and honest tone – Wow. Looks like Kelly took something that could have been a simple and kind request and really blew that up for no reason. I’m going to use a period because that is how you end a sentence. I wonder if she knows that or not?

WWS (me): I believe it’s customary to have the champions dinner the night before the match.

WWM (me): also confused, but genuine and honest tone – I’ll look past the obvious passive-aggressive comment and restate the notion that we continue the tradition of a Champion’s Dinner for our annual Rauchdy Match.

WWS (your mom): 😑

WWM (your mom): aggressive-aggressive tone – I need to close my eyes and let the steam shoot out of my ears like one of those cartoons you see when someone eats something hot. I should probably just send an emoji because I can’t be bothered with speaking to these peasants.

WWS (me): I’ll think on it and let you know. Thanks for your generosity and sportsmanship.

WWM (me): continued kindness and selfless tone – I am the kind of person who is mindful of my choices. I will pray on this, but in the meantime, I want to offer you two compliments because you’re my wife and I consider our vows daily.

After all that, I did come up with a simple meal that would not put your mom out at all, and even offered to help her cook it. With that, we came up with the below menu that we will enjoy this Thursday, September 12 — the night before our match.

I knew when we first started doing the Rauchdy Match that it could spell disaster for our marriage. We’re a prideful people, your mom and I, and I fear what might happen if either of us (head nod, head nod) lost two years in a row. However, some things are more important than 10+ years of marriage, two kids + two dogs, and a life that both of us kind of like…

In either case, by the time you both read this, things might look very different than they do now. And you can rightfully assume that this match (and possibly this post) had a very big something to do with that.

Still, we forge on for pride and for the glory. In the infamous words of Trey Songz:

“I want the money, money and the cars
Cars and the clothes, the hoes
I suppose
I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful.”

Love you, boys.

Dad – aka – best golfer in the house soon to be two years running