On Deb

Boys,

I’ve written and rewritten this post a dozen or so times because I know that when I send it out, I want the person that this post is about to understand exactly how we feel about her and what she has done with our family. I want her to know that she has been such an unbelievable blessing to our family and that we love her very much.

I want her to know how much you boys love her. Tonight, Koen, you came out of your room and told me you hurt your leg. I carried you back to your room and I thought about how you’re almost five and I don’t know how many more times I will get to do that. But when I laid you down, you asked, “is Deb coming tomorrow?”

“Yea, buddy. She’s coming tomorrow, and Thursday, and Friday.”

“Then is she going on vacation?”

I realized that you’re at an age where you are understanding things differently that you had when you were little. Sometimes, I still think of you as little because you’re the last one I’ll get to do this with. I told you about how she’s leaving us soon and that it’s OK. I told you that you’re both growing up a little. And just because we won’t see her everyday like we do now doesn’t mean she won’t be in your life. I told you she will send you postcards, and you will write her letters about your summer vacation is going.

You told me that you were sad… And I said that I’m sad too. And we both cried for a couple minutes. The whole thing was beautiful and it was sad and it was important all at the same time. But the reason it is so sad… beautiful…. important….. is because of how special Deb is to us.

Reagan, you’ve known Deb in a way that me and your mom, or even Koen will never quite understand. You two have had two bonds in your life. You knew her before, and after Koen. And she helped you learn how to be a big brother.

She has always been there for you and, in a lot of ways, she always will. But you two have something that a lot of people in this world don’t ever get to have. Deb has helped you become the person that you are. From the way you think and could read at such an early age, to the way you understand math… you might not remember this when you’re older and I might not either, but she kept posters of spelling words with illustrations of the items. We kept it in your playroom and you’d look at it everyday when you two were home. She had you help create the art and we kept it there for years.

But the thing that is most important to me is that Deb knows that we will always love and appreciate her for all that she has done and how she chose to come into our family for such a long time and give us her everything.

I’m glad Koen, that you and I had this experience tonight too. It’s hard for me to let go of you growing up the same way that it’s hard for us to give up Deb. But you showed me that you could handle it tonight. And we’re going to cry again about it.

Last thing. I want to use this space to honor Deb. But I also want you two to remember the kind of person that helped raise you.

We love you, Deb.

-Dad