Son,
One of the things I do with my work is talk to people who are in pain. I talk to people who deal with physical pain, and people who deal with psychological pain. I talk to people who cannot get out of bed in the mornings who are addicted to pills that prevent them from doing anything with their day other than sit in a chair and have someone else take care of all their needs. But the people who are in the most pain suffer because they lost a child.
I can’t imagine losing you, and I am getting choked up writing this because it forces me to think about that. Before your mom and I had you, I never knew what anxiety felt like, but thinking of living in a world without you in it makes it hard to breathe.
I talked to a woman today who lost her 23yo son a month ago in a car accident. I listened to her tell me about him, and listened to her tell me about what life is like now that he is gone. It was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had at work. I told her about you, and how much more real conversations like that are when I have you as a reference. She cried and I cried, but I think in some small way I helped her a little bit by making her comfortable and listening to the things she had to say.
But having conversations like that with people are real reminders that we only have so much time to make the most out of our life. It’s the most cliche thing in the world to say, but to have a real story told to you and to see the pain in the face of someone who didn’t have as much time to spend with someone they love… she told me that she was preparing her son his whole life for what life was going to be once she died, and that she never thought the day would come when she’d have to deal with that kind of thing.
We all have obligations. We all have things we don’t want to do. We all would rather eat pizza every day rather than eat something healthier that doesn’t give us satisfaction (at least, every now and then). The idea to make the most out of everyday is important, but so too is making choices that give us the best chance to have decades of days we can spend with the ones we love. If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I would spend every minute with you and your mom (and Rogue).
Life is short, and the best way we can get everything we can out of it is by appreciating the life we have, the moments we share together, and the memories that will last long after we’re gone.
I love you so much, son.
Dad
From Ryan to Reagan and Koen 