On The First 30 Minutes

Boys,

Yesterday and today, your mom’s been out of town for a WCR conference in Boston, and the three of us are having a couple little mid-week #BoysNights. Your mom flew out yesterday morning after Reagan got on the bus, so it stands to reason that #boysnight numero uno started as soon as Reagan got off the bus — roughly 3:45pm on Wednesday 11/6/24.

There is a notion in missing person’s cases that the first 48 hours of an investigation are the most important. After 48 hours, leads start to go cold, little details are forgotten by witnesses, and the chances of finding the person go down drastically. Similarly and yet completely different, the first 30 minutes of a #BoysNight are very telling, because you can get a sense of who’s getting along and who’s there as an agent of chaos.

[3:51pm] We go down to the playroom because Koen and I built a fort and we wanted to show Reagan. Not long after, [3:54pm] Oakley barges down and zoomies her way through and over the fort which leads to Koen declaring his disdain for the pup through an outburst of emotion. [3:56pm] I hastily get the pup’s attention and usher her upstairs and [3:57pm] close the gate to the playroom behind me.

Now back to the playroom, [4:00pm] I begin the rebuild when all of a sudden, [4:00pm] I hear the yipping and panic of a dog under attack. Mind racing, I rush up the stairs to see what the commotion is all about, at which time [4:01pm] I see Oakley bucking like a branded colt with the floor air vent hooked onto her collar. I’m somewhat at peace with the situation because my first thought was someone broke in and was trying to murder my dog. Now that I see these were self-inflicted yips and panic, I can breath a slight sigh of relief as I figure out how this happened and how to get the vent off her collar.

As I’m detaching one item from the other, [4:03pm] I notice the faint aroma of what we lovingly refer in our house as “leaky butt.” We first encountered leaky butt with Rogue when he was left to his own devices for too long, and went searching for a snack in the back cabinet, so to speak. I figured in her haste, Oakley just had a little leakage and like the situation we were in, would settle back to normal before long with time.

What happened was that she laid on the vent, and her tag with her name on her collar slipped between the grates on the vent, and turned 90 degrees or so — enough to allow for the tag to run perpendicular to the grates and latch on to the vent when she picked her head up. A simple diagnosis upon inspection, I removed her collar from her neck and subsequently, the grate from her tag.

[4:07pm] Oakley was none-too-happy, even after my explaining what had happened. She decided to take five in another room, and I tried to comfort her by telling her it happens to all dogs at one point or another, all the while knowing that this probably hasn’t happened to all dogs. In fact, deep down I knew this was something she’d have a hard time living down, and I was grateful her friends weren’t here to see the circus that just played out.

I checked my watch, and [4:13pm] remembered the boys and I decided we’d do dinner at Kinsale for night one of #BoysNight, so I figured we could head out a bit early. Time to go get you boys ready, which means reminding you that not wearing socks will make MY food taste crooked, so best for everyone in range for you both to put on some socks and then let’s get ready to go.

[4:17] The smell of leaky butt was still present in the air. “Strange,” I thought, and almost shrugged it off when I saw it. Faint, at first, but upon closer inspection, I noticed a shotgun pattern of brown spotting on the floor and on the wall near where the vent now rested in it’s previous location.

For a second, time stopped. There is a scene in the movie “Hall Pass” that comes to mind. In the movie, two men are given a 24 hour “hall pass” by their wives, which gives them 24 hours to do whatever they want without penalty or repercussion. The idea is that if they think they can hook up with another woman in that time, they could do so freely. Throughout the movie, one of the men has a change of heart and decides he doesn’t want to follow through with the hall pass, while the other is determined to make good for the sake of mankind everywhere — or something like that.

The scene that came to mind was when the second guy takes a girl home from a bar — a girl who had way too many drinks to make any sound choices about where the rest of the night could or should go. Realizing this, the guy sits her down on the edge of his bathtub. As he’s talking to her, she, who is wearing little more than a narrow pair of underwear, aggressively sneezes. As she sneezes, a shotgun pattern of brown spotting is projected on the bathroom wall behind her. I hope your imaginations can fill in the details.

[4:17pm] Back to the scene of the crime. Slack-jawed and offput, the scene played out in front of me clear as day; like a puzzle with only two pieces, I was able to put together exactly what had happened. Oakley, now up in her crate, skunked my floor and wall in a sheer panic. A tinge of anger, but not at her. She’s the victim here. I mean, anger if a correct-ish feeling there, right? At like, the situation. Like, “Flunk me, right? Flunk me right outta school.”

[5:01pm] I ordered a Stella Artois because it feel like it makes me feel sophisticated. Beyond that, its fine. Anyway, we’re at dinner and the mess had been cleaned up. I think, “Kelly will probably come home and tell me she can still smell it.” I put an air freshener over there. So that way, if the job was done 65% AND we got that electric Febreeze rolling, she’ll never know. I’m going to open the window tomorrow…

We got home and all loved on Oakley after. She went up in Reagan’s room — I think her new favorite spot is over by your window, Reags. But she wasn’t all the way back which was sad. She kept to herself and didn’t come around when I was in bed.

It’s now the next night. No. Let me do that differently.

Now it’s tomorrow. [8:19pm] actually. But you both just went down. Reagan doing the no shirt thing, and Koen just with that wildcat energy while we were trying to settle in for the night. We ended up having some fun today; got in a few holes of golf, made milkshakes when we got home.

So to tie it back to the First 48, those first thirty minutes of #BoysNight could have gone off the rails real quick. OK I’m going to have to work through this. If the first 30 are like the first 48, then that means those 30 minutes are critical in terms of figuring out…who…killed?…er, if the two days would have been bad, then I’m not sure how to make this analogy analogize.

Put that on a T Shirt.

Always love these nights or couple of nights we get to have our #Boysnight. We’re all ready for your mom to come home, but I’m also glad that we can have a lot of fun when it’s just us.

Love you boys.

Dad