On The Sickness Clause

Boys,

When you get married, there’s a high likelihood that you’ll say something like, “I take you to be my wife/husband” and “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad”. You’ll say a few other things, but then you’ll say “to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.”

But what they don’t tell you when you “repeat after me” those words is there is a tiny little asterisk after one of those lines. Nearly indetectable, but sure as day, there is an asterisk right after the word “sickness.”

It’s called the sickness clause.

The Sickness Clause

The sickness clause states that any husband who willingly enters a marriage will care for house and home while checking on his wife to ensure she returns to a state of health. However, should said husband get sick, there is a three phase system that shall take place upon initial detection of potential sickness. Those phases being:

1. Disbelief and denial – the initial phase is to presume that husband is not really sick and is merely “acting” sick in order to put his wife through added stress. The reasons do not need to be made clear, but first assumption is always that the husband is faking it.
2. Annoyance – after the “D&D” phase, it’s accepted that a sickness is present. Thus she enters the annoyance phase where the husband is actually sick, but he chose to get sick selfishly to be annoying to his wife. The annoyance phase usually begins with either vomiting, diarrhea, or if initial sickness does not improve fully within 4-6 hours of initial signs of sickness.
3. Anger – By the anger phase, anything a husband does elicits angry looks, side comments, gossip to her friends about how much of a worthless piece of….. the mere sight of the husband will trigger bouts of rage. This phase will last long past when the sickness is no longer present — generally 2-3 months or longer in some cases.

I write this to you as I am on day three of having the flu. Most websites suggest it can take 1-2 weeks before someone with the flu is fully healthy, and improvements should begin after that initial week. Whether I feel better or not, I will have to present as though I’m fully back to normal by tomorrow or by the time you read this, your mom will probably have moved on to someone else and who knows where I’ll be.

But let’s hope that doesn’t happy. So I’ll end this short post by saying cheers to good health, true love, and everything in between.

Love,

Dad