On you two, too

Boys,

It’s been a few since I’ve just riffed on you two. Koen, it’s your birthday week and your mom and I have a few things planned — more accurately, your mom has a few things planned — but one of the things is that we’re going to do a “yes day.” I would have SMASHED a “yes day” when I was young.

But we’re basically through summer and I figured I’d pop in to catch you two up on you two. School is back and Koen, you’re now going to Teaching Tree. At first, you didn’t like it because it was different than New Hope and you didn’t have Lucy in your class anymore. But a lost Lucy gave way to a gained Ella, and you were fine with that trade off. Now, when I get to go in and pick you up, all your classmates yell “bye Koen!” when you leave and I think you’re back to liking things again.

The other day, we went to a place called Slick City. It’s a big indoor slide place. I dropped you guys off with mom, and you all met up with some of our friends there. Reagan, you had a blast but Koen, you weren’t having it. I got a text from your mom saying how you wouldn’t do any of the slides. I was sure that by the time I got there, I could pep you up enough to try it, but despite me working on you for about an hour and you protesting from the top of the slowest slide, we were not successful.

I will take you back there when it’s just us and I will have you go down that slide.

Otherwise, the pool is closed and fall golf is more about just finding fun events to play and since you’ve started school, Reags, we haven’t gotten out to play much.

Reagan, your top priority now is riding bikes after school. You get off the bus, usually charge down the sidewalk where you throw your bookbag on the ground and tell me or your mom that you’re going to go over and see if Miles can ride bikes.

I think a lot about where you two are at this stage of life. It’s one of those ages where everyone tells me to cherish these days because when you two become teenagers, things will change. The truth is that I do enjoy this stage, even though you two are both very emotional which is very different than how I was at your ages. But I also think you’re a lot of fun and still think I’m funny and as long as that’s the case, I can handle a little emotion. At least you don’t eat your books and toys like your dog does.

Speaking of your dog, let’s get a little Oakley segment, shall we?

Oakley Segment

Your dog does three things that don’t thrill or excite me.

First, if anyone leaves a bedroom door open or the gate to the playroom open for more than 14 seconds, she will find her little way there and eat a book, wooden train track, piece of plastic, or piece of food. She used to wait until we left, then I imagine she doot-do-doo’s her way through the house and just says, “huh. Looks like Reagan forgot to close his door. Welp, guess I better go in, eat something, leave it there, and look sad and guilty when someone gets home.” But now, she just waits until you turn around and she says, “what are you gonna do? Get rid of me? Yea don’t think so pal.”

Second, she thinks her paws are tootsie pops and just goes HAM on them. It’s like she’s in a trance, and she’ll just start licking and forget that the outside world exists. Her paws are just soggy and matted and gross. When we’re gone, she gives that same treatment to her butthole.

Third, she’s a real Betty Barker. Her favorite game show host was Bob Barker. Her favorite drummer is Travis Barker. Her favorite part of trees is the bark. You get it. But anytime she crosses a window and god forbid a squirrel just happens to be existing in her line of sight, she just acts like there in imminent danger to our family. UPS truck slowing down outside of our house? Imminent danger. Another dog walking down the sidewalk or, I don’t know, a cloud moves and the sun comes out? Imminent danger.

She’ll even bark herself out of a sleep. Then go downstairs and just start yelling at the window. And your mom, who gets mad at me for yelling at her from bed where I was just asleep, is all, “go check. What if there really is danger?”

I hope it never happens, obviously. But at the same time, I don’t take her credibly as a guard dog. Even if someone broke in, and she runs upstairs and is just trying to ruff me the situation. “Uh, someone just came into the house, ruff ruff. Like, they’re right downstairs, ruff. Do you want me to do something or did YOU want to do something? Why don’t you go, and I’ll hide up here, ruff ruff, and, oh I don’t know, lick my paws or something, ruff, and when you get them out of the house, I’ll come down and yell at the window or something?”

Sorry. I’m going to blame her, though, because of how many swings and misses she’s had at actual danger. Like, if she sees a deer crossing in the yard, which doesn’t happen all the time, like I get it. It’s another animal. It’s bigger than you. You’ve never fought one so maybe they are a threat. I can get behind that. But when another person is walking the literal same exact dog that they’ve been walking by your house every single day since you’ve been alive, maybe we error on the side of STFU, and just nod at them like every other reasonable thing in the world would do.

And also, let’s not be regressing with eating food. Why can I never feel completely relaxed anytime food is out? Oh, it’s because you will eat food out of someone’s hands if their attention isn’t on you or jump up on any counter (with your slimy little paws) and eat whatever — like, you’ll jump up there to eat green beans. Do you know how crazy that sounds?!?

End of Oakley Segment

The truth is, you both love Oakley and she loves you and your mom loves her and I think she’s fine or whatever, so I guess we’re going to keep her. But if you read this and want to pass along a little word of advice, just tell her to chill out on all the things and we’ll be fine.

Not a whole lot else top of mind right now. Reagan, you’re other new thing (when you’re not riding bikes) is fishing. We caught a fish the other day, and you were very excited. Then you turned and put it back into the pond at about 93 mph.

Koen, you love Kidstrong but will probably never agree to play an organized team sport. You do love music though, and if you aren’t going to do sports, I can get behind you being a musician.

OK boys all for now. Big birthday weekend ahead that I’m looking forward too. Hopefully the “Yes Day” includes some time for the Lions-Browns game and maybe some Ryder Cup? Maybe I can convince you of a little screen time while that is on?

We’ll see we’ll see. Until next time, love you boys.

Dad