Reagan,
When I was in school, I was really good at math. Then when I got to high school, the journalism teacher pulled me aside and asked me to do Yearbook because she saw something in my writing that she liked — I’m glad she did. I was also pretty good at history, social studies, lunch, gym, recess, study hall, and snow days.
One thing I was not so good at was science. Chemistry was the worst, and I wasn’t very good at biology… I can’t think of any more -ology’s, but rest assured, I probably passed with a B or a C at BEST, and kind of forgot all about it as soon as I left the room.
The irony is that I now think science is kind of fascinating. Science, technology, how the brain works — I’d be so much better at them if I had my today self’s interest level versus what I felt back then.
So last Friday, your mom told me you have a science project due this week. She didn’t know if it was due on Monday, Friday, or one of those other days in between. My System 1 brain first went to Skittles and water on a styrofoam plate. “Lazy brain!” I thought, and I thought about what else we could do that would be easy enough. Then, I remember some video that I might have seen on Instagram some time ago, where (I thought) someone just put a coin in between some batteries and the coin began to spin. “Great!” I thought. We have batteries. We have coins.
So off I go (in secret at first) to the drawer to get some AA batteries. I got a few coins because, hello, different metals (science!), and arranged everything on the table. Was it four batteries? Tried that and nothing was happening. Maybe if I lay the batteries on their side…. maybe if I turn some this way and others that way…
Unfortunately, the science wasn’t sciencing so I took it to AI. After some symbolic high-fives from ChatGPT for doing some science, I realize that what I was thinking also involved some copper wire and magnets — I guess I’m building a homopolar motor. “Don’t remember that in the video,” I thought, “but if that is what science need to science this thing together, then lets get some copper wire!”
BOOM! Amazon’d me some copper wire and snuck a magnet or two off the fridge. The next day when it arrived, I got back to work. So what you do is you put a single battery on top of a magnet, and have the wire touch the positive charge on top of the battery, and have the other side of the magnet touch the battery. This will get the wire to spin around the battery — apparently I don’t have any need for the coins.
Total cost of the science experiment: $7.49
At this point, I’m pretty sure I’m working on a different science than I seem to remember myself seeing who knows how long ago, but science day is coming and we’re already this far in, so we forge ahead.
So I assemble the little science concoction. Magnet-battery-wire. Of course, getting a wire to touch two points in a stack of objects is not as easy as I would have hoped. “Try bending the wire in the shape of a heart,” Chat says. “Sure. No problem,” I say back to it mockingly as I fumble with getting anything at all to happen.
“For the wire to move, you need to trigger the Lorentz Force. This force is created when an electrical current passes through a magnetic field,” Chat says. “Force = q(E + V x B)”
“Obviously,” I think to myself.
I take a picture of my little stack of magnets and battery and wire.
“No dummy,” Chat says. “That contact point is too rigid. You need to make it barely touch so it’s free to spin.”
After I apologize to my phone, I realize that even if I can get this to work here, there is a 0% chance that a 2nd grader is going to be able to dance this dance when the bright lights are on. Despite the growing realization that this isn’t going to work, I myself still can’t get the wire to spin.
“No dummy, your magnet isn’t strong enough. You need a strong Neodymium (rare earth) disc magnet.”
“Obviously,” I think to myself. Back to the Amazon machine!
Total cost of the science experiment: $16.78
Now it’s Monday morning, and I’m asking you, Reags, what day your science experiment is as I am looking in our cabinet to see if we have any Skittles. You tell me (in very uncertain terms) that it’s either Wednesday or Thursday.
The magnets get there later that day. Unfortunately, the ones I get are shaped like little pawns and not little discs, so obviously balancing a battery on top of this isn’t going to happen. They’re pretty small anyway, so I don’t know if they’ve have the power we need. You know where we’re going…
Total cost of the science experiment: $26.10
It’s now Tuesday and your experiment is either due tommorrow or Friday. I checked Amazon earlier and, good news, there is a delay on the batteries. Oh, I also bought new wire because the other one I got might have been coated? I don’t know what the difference between a coated and non-coated copper wire is, but…
Total cost of the science experiment: $44.08
I’m not going to lie, I have little faith we’re going to pull this off, even if the delivery comes through tonight. This morning, I woke up after having the recurring dream that I have a big test today and I didn’t study for it — haven’t had that one in awhile but I have a feeling I’ll be seeing it again a lot in the next 10-15 years.
I’m also having flashbacks to our Pinewood Derby Car — that day could have been a personal low for me as your dad.
So now, I sit here waiting for the third or fourth Amazon package to get here hoping that this will be the last one. Also, I’m very aware of the fact that you’re going to have to set this up in front of your class, and lets just say that at eight years old, you have the gentle touch of a raccoon on espresso trying to wash a cotton candy ball — no offense.
So that’s where we are. I’ll try to follow up with you after we either figure it out, or send you off with skittles and the shame of having a dad who can’t seem to make derby cars or 2nd grade science projects.
Still love you, though!
Dad
URGENT UPDATE!!
I saved this as a draft yesterday, and we have some serious developments.
So the universe is really against us doing this experiment. You did confirm that we (you) don’t present until tomorrow, so we have one more day to figure this out.
TL;DR — I found a “Lightning in a Bottle” experiment we can do with water, oil, food coloring, and alka seltzer, so lets just cross our fingers and hope this works out!
Still love you (even if our “projects” tend to fail more than they succeed),
Dad
PS: Total cost of the science experiment: $26.10
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